I Am Simply His

Some of you have heard me say that my husband’s cancer journey gave me a new set of lenses to see life through, to live each day fully present. But losing him gave me a new child-like perspective to live life in. Being thrown into a different role, a different life…It stripped away every idea of who I was and caused me to question, who am I now?

Learning my new role in motherhood, being a MiMi, a friend, sister, daughter…being a light bearer in Mary & Martha and embracing my role as office manager in this beautiful community…my calling to share my heart and serve those who have felt and are in the middle of deep pain and paralyzing grief.

Finding a new balance. Feeding my soul. Learning to be still. Learning how to live out of survival mode when that was my normal for so many years.

Lately I feel like an overstimulated child that when I find myself in the middle of a quiet moment, I am completely overwhelmed…how can I possible process anything? How can I become who God wants me to be amidst so much?? Change is hard and growth is exhausting.

But I still hear those words in my heart:
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.

I am reminded every day that seeking God and resting in Him means to STOP and allow Him to hold me in His perfect Love.

Hosanna Wong, a speaker from a women’s conference I attended a few weeks ago, really touched my heart when she spoke out loud all the words Jesus names us in the bible. She also talked about how we allow others, our pain, our expectations and even our mirror to name us when our creator is the only one who has that power. I realized that somewhere during my grief journey, I allowed my pain and my circumstance to become my name. She reminded me not only who I was, but Who’s I was. I am His child. I am chosen. I am His messenger. I am free. I am a temple. I am treasured. I am made new. I am His masterpiece. I am GREATLY LOVED! I think it is less about becoming who we are meant to be and more about discovering who we already are in Christ.

So as I strip away all the names and labels I have put on myself, I remind myself every day that I am simply His. Yes, I am a mother, a friend, a widow, a daughter, His child, and I am also beautifully broken in Christ. He continues to fill in all the cracks with His love, mercy, and grace.

The more I Seek Him, The more I sit with Him, the more I serve Him, and the more I share Him, and the more I surrender to Him; the less I will feel like an overwhelmed child and more like His precious work of art.