Fatherhood
Fatherhood. Fathers have changed over the generations.
With each new generation fathers have learned to be more present and more confident to display emotions unlike our fathers and grandfathers. My father never told me or his grandkids that he loved us. We knew he did by his actions. My father-in-law on the other hand, told my son into his twenties, every day that he loved him and kissed him goodnight before bedtime. This is the father and grandfather that I have chosen to emulate. I wonder why it seems so difficult to tell our fathers that we love them? I tell my son and grandsons regularly that I love them and that I’m proud of them. I hope my son tells his children the same thing.
In the mid-1980s, Dr. Leo Buscaglia, former professor of education at the University of Southern California, sent his students home with an assignment that they were to embrace their fathers and to verbally express their love for them. Many of the students resisted the assignment saying for example, “He’d die if I hugged him,” or “Why do I need to tell him I love him, he knows I do?” The results were amazing at what a positive experience it had been. One student said his father even cried and thanked him for the hug. The assignment revealed that most fathers were overwhelmed.
Growing up I thought I had an ideal childhood. My dad was active in my life as a Boy Scout leader, in the PTA and in our church. But as I matured, I came to realize that my father was not a perfect man. I trusted him and saw him in a different light than I did when I was growing up. But he provided for us and came home every night after work.
The old nursery rhyme says, “little boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails”. At this stage, it’s a father’s responsibility to help get them from here to being responsible young men. The quality of a child’s relationship with his or her father seems to be the most important influence in deciding how that person will react in the world. Mark Twain said “As a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. But when I turned twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
Fatherhood roles are no longer limited to financial and disciplinarian matters. It’s also about helping children develop emotionally, psychologically and physically. I believe kids require a lot of attention and a lot of love from their fathers and grandfathers!
Being a father is a full-time job. So, what makes a good father? It’s displaying qualities such as respect, (including to the children’s mother), compassion, affection, discipline, leadership, teaching right from wrong and being present in your children’s lives and spending quality time with them.
The biblical definition of a father is that the father is supposed to be the head of his household and lead his family, his wife and children to serve God.
I, too, am not a perfect man. However, I am a lucky man. I hope and pray that God continues to grace me with wisdom and that my son and grandsons know that I am always here for them even into adulthood. Being called dad and grandpa is music to my ears. My Father’s Day gift is given to me year-round with the laughter and even the “potty” jokes that are shared at the table when we gather for dinner every Sunday evening.
My father passed away six years ago, and I didn’t get the chance to tell him one last time that I loved him. I want you to take the time this week to tell your father that you love him. It will enhance your relationship.
I wish you all a very Happy Father’s Day!