The Big Power of Small Gestures
Ten years ago, Fr. Dale and I put together a little book called Kindness Matters: Hospitality in a Hostile World. (Available at The Cross Shop, Amazon.com, or Barnes & Noble). Our intent was to encourage all of us to take a fresh look at how well we are doing being true hosts in a diverse and complicated world. The hope was – and still is — that we seek ways to accept the stranger and suspend judgment. We presented the basic premise that if principles of basic courtesy and kindness permeate business, politics, religion, personal relationships, and leadership, the overall quality of life for everyone will improve, perhaps even be transformed.
In 2013 – which now seems like somewhat ancient history in light of all that has transpired since Fr. Dale and I released that little book – there were plaques and tee-shirts at every community craft sale saying “Practice random acts of kindness.”
Really? What happened?
And what should we do now as missiles rain down in multiple wars overseas, and tensions erupt here at home over everything from politics and banned books to immigration and the environment? I think we are faced with few options other than going back to the basics of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (My mother also used to quote Thumper from the Old Testament of Disney, the first chapter of Bambi: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”)
The horrors that spill currently into our awareness through media cannot be dismissed from our thought processes because we find them overwhelming, impossible to confront, or unfixable. Indeed, we may be tempted to say, “Well, I am one person and there isn’t anything I can do to change what is going on.”
As Christians, we can’t let the largeness of an act of evil extinguish our confidence in the impact of even a small amount of good. If we can’t move the mountain, we can still pick up a stick and move the dirt within our reach. We are never totally powerless to offer some resistance to human heartbreak. We can always be kind, and sometimes that is all it takes to make a profound difference.
Random acts of kindness are wonderful, and I fully support anybody’s intention to do something nice for somebody else. However, I would also like to suggest a similar, but distinctly different, activity: deliberate acts of decency. They are usually quiet, usually unobserved, and potentially deeply meaningful for both the giver and the receiver.
I was in line at the grocery store recently, and I noticed a woman very quietly set aside several staple items (milk, bread, eggs, rice) that she likely couldn’t afford. Almost immediately, the man directly in back of her reached out, picked up the items, and set them on his side of the little rubber divider. He gave the clerk a look, who nodded. She scanned the items on the man’s order, bagged them, and set the bags inside the woman’s cart. The woman paused, and her eyes filled up — then she touched the man’s arm.
It all happened without anybody saying anything. I think I was the only other witness to this exchange between strangers. It was a deliberate act of decency, and it certainly was an act of kindness, too – but there was nothing random about it.