Fr. Dale Fushek’s Reflection

Christmas and Grief: Finding Ways to Stay Positive

I was walking through AJ’s grocery store the other day.  If you shop there, you know they have all kinds of specialty items and beautiful gifts for every season.  Their best season is Christmas.  AJ’s was my mother’s favorite store, and even though she could not shop there on a regular basis, she loved to go there at Christmas time.  Every Christmas season, my mom and I would plan an outing to AJ’s and walk through the store, buy stuff from their bakery, and shop for Christmas items.  Recently, as I walked through the store, I thought to myself, I need to call Mom and schedule a time.  Then I caught myself.  My mom died on Mother’s Day in 2019.

I stood still in the middle of the aisle and thought to myself, “Dale, you are losing it.”  That is how grief works.  You think you have it under control and then all of a sudden you smell something, see something, or remember something and you become filled with sadness because you miss your loved one.

Grief is neither good nor bad.  It just is!  The holidays tend to intensify the “sadness” and the “missing.”  Those feelings remind us of how much we loved the person and how much our life has changed because they have gone to heaven.  It also allows us to cherish our memories and be filled with gratitude for the love that person shared with us.

I was blessed to have a great mom and dad.  My parents did everything they could to make sure we had a great Christmas.  My mom shopped, baked, cooked, and decorated the house even as she worked full time.  My dad made sure our home was filled with family, neighbors, and friends.  I am filled with gratitude and memories.  Even though life was never perfect, my siblings and I had good childhood.

As I write, I am aware that many people did not have a good childhood.  For that, I am sorry.  You missed something very special.  I hope you do something now that will make beautiful memories for you and for others this year.  I hope and pray that God will be so present to you this year that you let go of the memories that may not be so positive.

If you are grieving a spouse because of a recent death, or because of a death from many years ago, turn your grief into gratitude.  Thank God for the years you had together.  And then, take your grief and decide to make someone else feel loved this Christmas.  These actions will never replace your loved ones, but they will help you to focus on the joy of His birth and not just on your sorrow.

Mother Teresa said so beautifully, “Never let anything fill you with such sorrow that you forget the joy of Christ risen.”  And, I would add, “the joy of Christ born among us.”