Father Dale’s Reflection

I recently read a book called The Let Them Theory.  It is not a Christian book, so it was an unusual read for me.  I tend to read books about God, Jesus, the Church, heroes of the faith, and theology.  I never read novels or murder mysteries.  This was a nice change of pace for me.

The author of the book is a woman named Mel Robbins.  The book has been on the New York Times best seller list for a while.  Mel Robbins has a lot of followers and a very successful podcast.  In the book she shares her experiences, especially with her husband and children, and how she developed the “Let Them Theory”.

In short, Robbins says we need to stop wasting our life on things we cannot control.  In fact, she believes those things we should not control.  “The Let Them Theory” is about freedom.  Two simple words — LET THEM — will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people.  When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life.  You stop reacting and start living.” (Robbins, page 18).

As I read the book, I struggled with her theory.  In many ways, it sounded self-centered and uncaring.  I mean, none of us want to see our children make harmful mistakes.  And most of us do not want to be disconnected and watch our loved ones from the sidelines.  But the more I read, the more right she became.

As I think about it, God has pretty much adapted “The Let Them Theory”.  He gives us free will and the ability to choose what we want to do.  And although He is wise enough to know there are consequences for our bad choices, He gives us freedom.  It is true that when we ask for help, He gives us grace.  But grace does not overpower free will.

As you read through Robbins book, you begin to understand that this theory does not free you from loving.  At the same time, you are saying, “Let Them”, you must also say, “Let Me”.  Let me take responsibility for how I respond to it.  Let me choose unconditional love for those around me even when they are choosing ways I disagree with.

By choosing to put your energy into loving instead of controlling, you are giving your children, grandchildren, spouse, and friends the opportunity to learn their own life lessons, such as life is not always fair.

One of the main things I learned from this book is that often there are very Christian things I can learn from very human people.  A book does not have to have a cross on it to be true.  I probably need to expand my library.

I encourage you to read The Let Them Theory.  You may not like it.  But on the other hand, it might be just what you need to start letting go of control.  Robbins concludes the book with these words, “When you say Let Them, you accept people as they are.  When you say Let Me, you choose how love shows up in your life.”